Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
