just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
