david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
