i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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