How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
