life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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