Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
