why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
