guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
