His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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