My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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