I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
