I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
