no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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