Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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