Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
