Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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