"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
