Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
