dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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