okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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