its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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