everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
