I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
