The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
