hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
