I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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