Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
