As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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