I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
