Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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