mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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