my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
