he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
