apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
