lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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