I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's great music for shaving your balls
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
