hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
