You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
