I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
