im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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