I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
