I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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