thus making me awesome and them whores
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
