Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pants are for mortals
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
