I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
