I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
