my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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