I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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