i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
