Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
